THE ASSESSMENT – FRIDAY 13 MARCH 2020
I didn’t sleep at all the night before the assessment. They are so stressful. Even though I’ve been through several of these now, both for the ESA and PIP, it’s still a worrying time because of the financial implications. Without that income, I am completely screwed basically.
As I didn’t sleep, I had plenty of time to have a shower, to take my time, read the paperwork again, get some petrol and collect Jill to come with me. Originally, Mum was adamant that she was coming with me but given the increasing concerns about COVID-19, I had to have a serious conversation with Mum about her not putting herself in harm’s way by using public transport to get to my house and back to Dad again. There was absolutely no guarantee that she wouldn’t inadvertently take something back to Dad and I wasn’t going to let either of them be at that sort of risk. Thankfully, Mum wasn’t offended that I had made the decision and was appreciative of the fact that I’d put their health first, even though she knows all too well how stressful these assessments are for me and how emotionally draining they are.
So, Jill and I headed to Chatham, in record quick time to be fair. We checked into the assessment centre and then it was a waiting game. I saw the assessor that I’d had last year wandering around the building. Oh hell, no. Please don’t let me get him again. He pulled me about like you wouldn’t believe last year and dragged me through the ringer so I really didn’t want to see him again. Mum came with me last year and even she was shocked at the questions this guy was asking and what he was asking me to do and the fact that we were in there well over an hour.
Thankfully, I didn’t get him. I got a lady who I had never seen before. When she first came out, she was very Head Mistressy shall we say and I just had a sinking feeling that this was going to be a really rough meeting. She called Jill and I into the meeting room and started going through the form and the questions that she had. She started with the mental health side of things. I answered as best I could and Jill made a few comments here and there as to what she does as my backup and support.
After just over 30 minutes, the assessor said that was the end of the meeting. She hadn’t even discussed the physical side. I mentioned that I’d finally got a diagnosis about the fainting and sickness (more of that in the post of The Ugly – Update and Diagnosis!!) but it didn’t even register with her; she wasn’t bothered at all. She said that it will take about three to four weeks to get a decision. Although 13 March 2020 was before the COVID-19 restrictions all came into place, so I’m not expecting a letter any time soon.
When we came out, Jill said that it was very positive that she hadn’t touched on the physical problems. Jill reminded me that it’s a point based system and that I probably had enough points just using the mental health issues and, therefore, the physical problems weren’t an issue. But, nothing has changed since last year (apart from the extra bonus of the fainting and the sickness), so why did last year’s assessor go through absolutely everything? That has left me a little concerned to say the least.
I was completely exhausted by the time Jill and I got home – both physically and most certainly emotionally – so I had a little nap and then phoned Mum. Mum made me even more concerned because, currently, I’m not under the local Oxleas Mental Health Team because there is no therapy for them to offer me and DBT isn’t offered in my Borough because of funding. Mum took that to mean that they would think I’m capable of working because I have no professional, medical support at the moment. Major freak out. However, that is no different to what it was last year either. I reiterated in my form this year that I’ve basically been released out into the world without any professional back up at all and this was clearly stated in my assessment meeting too. Hopefully, the assessor has taken it in the way that it was meant, and not how my Mum took it!
Obviously given the current Coronavirus crisis and the country being on lockdown, I’m not expecting a letter about the ESA any time soon. I certainly have heard anything as at 7 April 2020. I can’t think about it at the moment. I have to concentrate on the self-isolating and social distancing and hoping that my family and friends make it through this crisis. Once I know, you’ll know. Stay safe everyone.
Living The BPD Life 