So I did promise you an update on The Ugly and I think that it’s safe to say that over the past few weeks, it has dominated my life.
I received the dreaded letter telling me the date and time of the second attempt at the colonoscopy. It was booked for Sunday 1 December and this time it was an afternoon appointment at my local hospital (the QE in Woolwich), rather than having to travel to Lewisham again.
I also received a copy of a letter that the consultant had sent to my GP. It confirmed that my endoscopy and my CT scan were all clear. This now rules out my gall bladder as the issue. It took a while to sink in but then I started to freak out a little bit. We had wanted a gall bladder issue because the alternatives were things I really didn’t want to even contemplate, let alone have to potentially confront. I had to phone Mum and Jill. I’m scared. With my gall bladder ruled out, things are looking a bit more sinister. More than that, with a clear CT and endoscopy, the colonoscopy HAS to work. No questions, no faffing. It HAS to work to try to find out what’s going on with me.
The letter to my GP did say that if there was nothing as a result of the colonoscopy, then further investigations would be made of my liver. However, and here’s something really quite freaky, when I had blood tests done when I met with the consultant, my liver function test was normal! What the actual fuck? I have blood tests done after my trip to A&E and my liver levels are through the roof and yet, two weeks later, they’re normal. Which one is the anomaly? What the hell is my body playing at? Not only am I now scared, I’m frigging confused. I read the letter to Jill and, obviously, we analysed it to within an inch of its life. I’m still not googling and we are just speculating but, between my Mum and Jill, they talked me down from my freak out and normal service was resumed of just cracking on and getting it done. During my mini freak out, I do manage to eat four crumpets with butter on though! This was at 10.30am. Not a good start.
Once normal service was resumed, I realised that I had the letter with the appointment time but I had no MoviPrep and no instructions for the dreaded extended preparation. Where do I get that from then? I called the Endoscopy Unit to find out how I get the MoviPrep, with visions of having to get a prescription from my GP and all sorts of faffing. However, it turned out to be relatively simple. Just go up to the Day Care Unit at the hospital and pick a packet up so I did. Given that it was the extended preparation and from what I’d been told, I was expecting to be given two packets of the MoviPrep. Nope. The extended preparation consisted of taking two Senokot tablets three days and two days before the procedure. The MoviPrep system was actually the same as before with no additions. Two Senokot tablets. Seriously? What good was that going to do to my insides? I abused laxatives during my twenties so I didn’t hold out much hope that Senokot tablets were going to touch the sides. I was right by the way.
I had already made the decision that I was taking the MoviPrep this time with the assistance of a lot of pure orange juice. I already knew that I could have orange juice provided it didn’t have “bits” in. So, the day before, I popped to the shops for four litres of orange juice and got myself ready for another night of hell. It turns out that if you dilute the MoviPrep with enough orange juice, it’s just about bearable. However, you do still have to get the same amount of MoviPrep down you but I drank the whole lot with the assistance of just over three litres of orange juice. Now, quite frankly, that amount of orange juice, MoviPrep, black coffee and water should have had me living in the bathroom for a minimum of 24 hours. But, no.
So, as Jill and I made our way to the hospital on Sunday, I wasn’t holding out much hope of success at all.
Jill and I got to the hospital in plenty of time and I was first in the queue. I went through the pre-procedure stuff with the nurse. My blood pressure was super low but then I hadn’t eaten for 24 hours. I was asked again if I wanted a sedative. I declined given that I probably should have had it for the endoscopy last time and given that I didn’t hold out much hope for a successful procedure. I got changed into the oh so fetching hospital gowns and dignity pants and was made my way in to the procedure room. That camera was stuck where the sun doesn’t shine for 40 minutes! 40 uncomfortable minutes.
Now don’t think for one minute that just because that camera was roaming around my insides for 40 minutes the procedure was successful. It was only half successful. There was a very lovely team of ladies carrying out the procedure. However, when they had to start pushing down on my stomach between them to try to open up the right side of my bowel, they very quickly came off my Christmas card list. VERY quickly. They tried giving me gas and air. They had me lying on my right side, on my back, on my left side but when they asked me to try to lie on my stomach, that was it – game over. I can very rarely lie on my front because of the pain that it induces in my back. My normal back pain, not this new back pain that I’m still getting used to but getting a handle on it. They couldn’t get into the right side of the colon and there was still stuff stuck in there, even with the extended preparation.
After 40 minutes of living in that little corner of hell, we all gave up. I have to have it done again with the extended preparation but this time, I have to be fully sedated so that they can pull and push me around as much as they like to try to get in there properly. So, I was wheeled into recovery and, for want of a better phrase, I felt incredibly deflated. I was nearly in tears. I just want some answers. I want answers even more now that we know the CT scan was clear and my gall bladder is out of the equation. The recovery team at the QE were lovely. They gave me a sandwich and a cup of coffee. They came over to have a chat to check that I was okay because they saw that I was looking somewhat despondent to say the least. We went through the release paperwork, they gave me another pack of MoviPrep and I got dressed. I returned to Jill in the waiting room who, understandably, had genuinely thought we’d achieved because I had been in there so long. Her face visibly fell when I showed her the packet of MoviPrep. I explained to her what had happened, we grabbed a coffee and made our way back to the car to go home. I had no more words.
I phoned Mum. Mum sounded excited on the phone because it had taken so long for me to phone her but even she sounded somewhat pissed off by the time I’d finished explaining to her what had happened and what’s next.
Two days after the failed second attempt and I was still in some discomfort. The best way to describe it was it felt as if I hadn’t trained for months and suddenly I was told to do 1,000 sit ups for boot camp! On the Tuesday night after this go around, I got very teary about the whole thing. I’m so fed up with the pain, with the not knowing and with the colonoscopy process. So, it was waiting time again for the next letter with the date and time. I really wanted it done before Christmas, even if it just ticked another option off the list in regards to what was wrong, at least I’d be one step closer to the solution! Updates will follow of course.
Living The BPD Life 