Well, the Summer of 2019 certainly has been a mix of the good, the bad and the downright ugly indeed. Where to start is the question but I will break it down into the three categories and three separate posts so it’s easier for you all to digest.
The Good was definitely completing the One Million Steps Challenge for Diabetes UK. I got off to a really rocky start and really didn’t have a clue quite frankly as to how difficult it was going to be to get the minimum required number of steps in every day. A Facebook Group page was set up allowing those participating in the Challenge to join the Group if they wished. I did so but it didn’t prove to be as inspiring and supportive as I had hoped. It just made me feel bad about my own progress. People were posting huge numbers of steps and whilst I didn’t begrudge anybody their own success and feeling proud, it made me feel like a failure. This was within the first 1-2 weeks of the Challenge. I had three months of this. How was I going to get through it?
In to the second week and I consoled myself with a shed load of birthday cake! I was surrounded by friends and family in the run up to my birthday and on my birthday itself which was lovely. The weather was holding up so I decided to try and go out for a few walks. It turned out that to try and get the required number of steps in per day, I was going out at 4.30 in the morning to try and get the first third of my steps in for the day. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to do all of the steps required in one go; I knew that I had to take it in stages throughout the day. If I didn’t want to go outside, I was trying to use the treadmill at home to get the steps done. I was trying everything within my power. Even if I was just watching the television, I was walking on the spot to get the steps done! I was knackered too.
When I first posted on Facebook that I was doing it, I had some chums say that they would meet up for a walk. I thought that was a fabulous idea to catch up with chums I hadn’t seen for a while, go for a walk around the parks and the lakes that are in my area. However, come 20 July 2019, I shut down. That will become completely apparent in the section on The Bad of this.
Between 20 July and the middle of August, I did pretty much shut down as far as the challenge was concerned. I was barely making my numbers four days out of the week, yet alone every day and I was really starting to wonder whether I would complete the challenge. In fact, I was just about ready to call it a day and tell those who had sponsored me that I had taken on way too much.
I’m not sure what changed over a week or so in August, I just felt different. I worked out my numbers and I knew it was still possible to achieve the one million steps, but I would absolutely have to go like a rat up a drainpipe to meet the target. I didn’t want to really but I had made a promise to the charity, to those who sponsored me and to my Dad that I would do it. However, I still didn’t want to see or speak to anyone because I was in so much pain with my mental health. I hit the treadmill at 4.30am, 12pm and 4pm. I set myself little targets along the way and then if I did feel well enough to go out, those steps were an added bonus. On the days when I felt a bit more like a human being, I would ask Jill if she wanted to take her dog for a walk and we did have a couple of days of walking around our local park with the dog. Getting out and getting the fresh air was good too.
Somehow, I managed it with about a day to spare. The Summer is very much a bit of a blur so I don’t really know how I did it. I didn’t look at the Facebook Group Page because I didn’t want to get disheartened at people achieving the target with a month to spare and going for 2,000,000 or whatever. I just shut myself down in my own little world, got my head down and I sweated my way through late August and September. There was no weight loss, there was no change in shape, there was nothing. There was just sheer relief when I finished it and a ceremonial placing of the pedometer in the drawer until I’m ready to walk again.
Apparently, we’re supposed to be getting medals for taking part. We’re now into November and people on the Facebook Group Page are moaning that they haven’t had their medals yet. Grow up people. None of us should have been doing it for medals; it was supposed to be for awareness and to challenge ourselves. I have a little certificate and I have the knowledge that I did it.
I hated every second of it but, do you know what, I may sign up for it again next year, hopefully being in a better place.
A big thank you to everyone who encouraged me and sponsored me. And a massive thank you to my “Driving” playlist on my iPod that has all my favourite thumping, guitar shredding rock songs on that got me through it.
Living The BPD Life 