Aside from the shame and guilt I have felt regarding having mental health issues, one of the reasons why I didn’t want to admit that I was suffering was because of how I felt people would judge me. I have been just as guilty of assuming some of the myths regarding mental health issues and I felt that if I believed those myths, others would too and judge me accordingly, thus increasing the feelings of shame and guilt. A vicious circle indeed. Today, I am going to admit to some of those assumptions that I had made regarding mental health issues and, quite frankly, tell them to “do one”!
1. Sadness = Depression
For me, there is a slightly fine line on this one. We all go through times in our lives when we are very sad. This can be as a result of a bereavement or traumatic event in our lives, e.g. divorce. I call these times “Reactive Depression”. It is immense sadness with an incredibly low mood following such an event. The period of Reactive Depression can last from a few days or weeks to many months. This was reinforced to me in the immediate aftermath of my separation and subsequent divorce from Dave. My GP had told me everything I was feeling was “a normal reaction” and even the psychiatrist I saw said that I wouldn’t get back into treatment because the divorce was a “surface issue” and not an “underlying issue”. I am not for one moment detracting from how anybody feels and the total heartbreak you can feel after a traumatic event in your life. I have been through a few. The Reactive Depression does eventually pass. It’s that old cliché of “time is a great healer” and in the case of Reactive Depression, I genuinely believe it is. I’m no longer sad about the separation or divorce. I have moments where I wonder what might have been but I no longer cry about it and it is no longer a trigger for more dangerous reactions for me. I’ve suffered close bereavements during my life and, again, they are no longer a trigger for me and the people who I’ve lost, I miss dreadfully but I have happy memories of them and I focus on those memories now. Reactive Depression is just something that you have to go through. Chronic Depression is a whole different ballgame. The Depression part of being Bipolar normally starts to develop before the age of 20 and rarely develops after the age of 40 (source: http://www.rethink.org). The low mood of Chronic Depression massively impacts your day to day life and relationships. It is the long-term inability to achieve tasks; the long-term feelings of a lack of self-worth; talking very quickly jumping from one idea to another; using drugs or alcohol; and making risky decision amongst others. Again, on the http://www.rethink.org website, there is a fantastic fact sheet that describes the main symptoms of depression within Bipolar.
2. People who have mental health issues are just weak minded
This again fuelled the feelings of failure, shame and guilt that I felt knowing that I had some sort of mental health illness prior to diagnosis. I would regularly think that I wasn’t strong enough to just “get my sh#t together” and I just had to “pull myself together”. The classic I was told was actually by an Occupational Health doctor who had written books regarding mental health in the workplace and she genuinely sent me an email telling me to “think happy thoughts”. Bugger off. I now know that it’s not that simple. If it was, none of the 1 in 4 people in this country who suffer would have any form of mental health illness and there wouldn’t be a need for the medications and treatments. We’d all just give ourselves a metaphorical slap round the face and tell ourselves to “man up” and get on with it.
3. Excusing just being lazy
When you are going through a period of chronic depression, there are days when you just don’t want to get out of bed. You just cannot face anything. Yes, we all have days when we are just exhausted and really want a “duvet day” but this is more extreme. I get extremely frustrated with myself when I am going through a period of extended depression because I want to be “normal”. I know that there’s housework to do, that ironing mountain has piled up again. When the sun is shining, I want to get outside for some fresh air and go for a walk but I am just unable to do so. All I want to do is hide and sleep until it passes. You can’t really do that for 6-12 months at a time! Having a mental illness is not a choice. I just didn’t decide at whatever age my symptoms started showing to be a lazy, depressed nutter. I still got up, went to school, went to Uni, went to work, ran a household and developed relationships. Post-breakdown and post-diagnosis, I have obviously become more aware of my symptoms and triggers and I am a work in progress. I still find it hard not to become frustrated with myself when I have the periods of time when I cannot function but I’m getting better at not being so hard on myself about it. I don’t use the illness as an excuse not to do things but I am also self-aware enough to realise when there is a difference between trying to push through an episode of depression and doing too much, too soon.
These are the main myths that I was guilty of assuming were correct prior to the breakdown and diagnosis. There are so many other myths out there including that only adults suffer (I clearly had symptoms as a youngster), OCD is all about cleanliness (it can include things like hoarding and thoughts which can have such a detrimental effect on the day to day lives of sufferers).
There are many articles on the internet which outline various different myths regarding mental health issues. If it is your loved one who suffers, please take the time to read some of the plethora of materials available regarding their condition. As mentioned above, http://www.rethink.org has made some great factsheets on a whole host of mental health issues which are clear and concise and lay out the conditions very well in my view. If you are reading this and you are the patient, don’t buy into the myths and don’t let the myths that are out there grind you down even further. When I was younger and into my early 20s, we didn’t have the internet to help. You don’t have to talk either on the phone or face to face with anybody if you don’t want to. You can reach out to various groups including Rethinking Mental Illness and Mind via social media. You can reach out to me via social media. Twitter (@nutterhigh) and Facebook (Living The BPD Life). Let’s get you into recovery and get you a support network if your loved ones aren’t open to it. You are not and never will be alone.
Living The BPD Life 