Anybody that has ever been in the situation where they haven’t wanted to be divorced knows that it hurts like an absolute sod! When you get confirmation that the man you loved is with your ex-best friend, it’s a soap opera storyline you just don’t want to be living in. As we know, this is what fell into my lap.
I knew Dave and Alexis were engaged. I had it confirmed by two separate, relatively independent sources in July 2017. Up to that point, there was still some question as to whether they were actually together or not. Although I just “knew”, I didn’t have any physical, material evidence to prove that. Getting this information from the two sources was enough for me. Dave and I were still in the throes of trying to get divorced with no end imminently in sight so he’d got engaged to the (now) Mrs Dave number 3 whilst still legally married to Mrs Dave number 2. Alexis was headed down the aisle for a second time. I had no idea as to when they were getting married until the actual day.
In early September 2018, Dave and Alexis chalked up another wedding day between them when they got married. They got married on a Monday and it was a very lovely day. I had made arrangements to meet a friend for a drink (for my friend) and a coffee for me at 4pm at a venue close to my home called The Tudor Barn. I was feeling pretty good that day about myself and was confident that I would make my “date” with Jackie.
About 15 minutes or so before I was due to leave, I decided to have a quick flick through Facebook just to see what was going on in the world. Well, thank goodness I did. Even though a lot of Dave’s family and friends and Alexis’s family and friends had blocked and deleted me from Facebook, I was still friends (at that point) with a couple of members of Dave’s family. I was just scrolling through Facebook and I came across one of Dave’s family member’s profiles and it was showing pictures of Dave and Alexis’s wedding at The Tudor Barn. My initial reaction was maybe that it had taken place at the weekend and they were catching up with posting their photos. Oh No. It didn’t take me long to work out that the Wedding was taking place that day at The Tudor Barn and I was supposed to be there in about 30 minutes’ time.
What would you have done? Would you have kept your appointment and just so happened to have been there at that time or would have freaked out and made alternative arrangements?
As you can imagine, I chose the latter. I was on the phone to Jackie straight away and told her that we had to meet somewhere else. I told her why. At first, she wanted me to still meet her at The Tudor Barn. I told her I couldn’t and wouldn’t. Dave and Alexis would have assumed that, somehow, I had managed to find out where and when their wedding was. They would have also assumed that I had shown up to make some sort of gesture or impact on the day.
I had no idea that was their wedding day and I was definitely NOT going to just show up, even if it was by accident. If I had, no matter how much I would have protested my innocence at not knowing, I would have been the one made out to be at fault. Ah, the “bitter and twisted witch” comments would have been flying around again that in some way I wanted to disrupt the celebrations. I chose the dignified silence route again.
I cannot and will not deny that Dave and Alexis getting married has hurt. These were the two people closest to me in my life and the two people who I trusted with my life. Jack and Jill had tried to be reassuring, especially since finding out they were engaged, that they probably wouldn’t get married and that the relationship probably wouldn’t last that long. Well, it did and they got to the altar. Why do they get to have their “Happy Ever After” after the trail of destruction they’ve left behind? Why do they get to shit all over me and then get to be happy? Mind you, maybe this was my karma for being the “other woman” to Dave’s first Wife?
However, there is an even bigger part of me that is glad that they got married. I’m glad that they made it. This is not out of any sort of concern for their welfare or desire for them to be happy. Trust me, I couldn’t give less of a rat’s backside about their happiness if I tried. What their wedding actually means is that I now feel vindicated. I wasn’t going mad when I asked if there was something going on between them. I wasn’t heading back to Nutlins when I questioned the pair of them about lying to my about how much time they were spending together. All of those insecurities that I’d had about whether or not Dave and Alexis had done the “dirty” on me were now put to rest. When I started seeing the photos of their wedding on Facebook, I went into “smug mode” more than anything else. I was right and I had been right all along. They were a pair of two-faced, selfish, lying bastards who were only concerned with themselves and now that had been proven.
The funny thing about Facebook and people’s attitudes is that pretty much as soon as the photos started appearing, I was suddenly deleted and blocked by three separate members of Dave’s family who were in attendance at their wedding. It made me laugh that even after all this time, there would still be a concern of me knowing what was going on in their lives and to then be unceremoniously dumped off of Facebook by these people when between the separation and now, there had been no problem. It made me laugh a lot.
However, from a slightly devious perspective, you’ve got to get up a little earlier than that to get the better of me sometimes. I managed to grab some of the photos and sent them to my sister. Just on a note regarding their attire: Dave was wearing the watch that I’d bought him for his 40th Birthday. I’m not sure that if that was me, I’d have been too impressed by that. Anyway, my 12 year old niece managed to take a look at the photos I’d sent to my sister and said (about Dave): “hasn’t he got fat?” and “I thought you were supposed to be happy on your wedding day?”. My niece, the legend. I laughed and laughed. Vindication feels good.
Living The BPD Life 